What Would Happen...


If I reversed direction and was a stay at home mother and wife, keeping the house the way I like it (and who cares if anyone else does), if I had the time to think and breathe all day, cooking slow roasted meals and practicing my poetry?

If I stopped with the provocateuring, posturing, and poking of political mores around arts, sexual culture.  If I looked shocked at the entendres lobbed my way, and didn't return the volley?

If I ate what I wanted when I wanted, and didn't give a good goddamn about how I looked? If I stopped exercising, knowing where I was going to wind up in the end, anyway?

If I stopped being nice to people, trying to help or be there for certain someones, if I stopped giving a shit about what people thought? Why be kind?

Would I be happier than I am right now? Fatter, dustier, fuller, more boring, more still?  Would it matter even if I was?  I doubt it. Knowing me, I'd find something to be dissatisfied with.

Sometimes I just wish I felt like there were people who really knew me, I guess.  I know me though, and that actually isn't the best idea is it ;)