In A Mood

I am in a mood. It is not entirely a bad mood, but not really a good one. It's agitated, it's in need, as I recently posted on FB, of a huge windy violent storm, with hail and needle rain and catharsis.

Possibly, this is due to lack of exercise.

Possibly, this is due to two days straight of public speaking deals that make me gut wrenchingly nervous even though yes I'm an actor and yes I perform, but no I don't like speaking about what I do and how I do in public, knowing that most people in the room don't want to listen, and ugh when jokes fall flat and it's my work and my program and I'm wearing a suit and I just feel like a fraud.

Though apparently, I did really well and people were happy. Makes no sense.

Possibly, it's also due to two days straight of fatty, salty, carb laden potlucks at midday leaving me feeling bloated, saturated and lethargic by 4 pm.

But it's a mood and it's in me and I've got to just deal with it or sit with it or ignore it or go back to my spartan diet and rigorous exercise routine.

I love food, I do. But I don't really process heavy meals well. But light meals are not nearly as much fun as the sexy heavy ones. And I don't like feeling saturated with this, color yes, feeling yes, this no.

In other news, I'm quite pleased with the level of emotional intelligence my eldest has shown lately. He has two good friends who have broken up, friendship-wise, over some prepubescent fight over something imaginary to me but vital to them. He's been fraught over their conflict and has talked much to me over the past few days.

We discussed some simple solutions like letting them have some space from each other and that he could let them both know he was their friend and was focused on their friendship too. Things have apparently settled down with them. But he cared. His focus on friendship and loyalty is impressive.

He's a sensitive smart child and on the cusp of being a grown boy, of puberty, of adult hood. It's terrifying on so many levels, not the least of which is that I am on a cusp as well. His seems far more appealing than mine.

I suppose that's just how life goes. Moods or not, time moves forward, friends break up, tempting things seem much more appealing in theory than after the fact and performing doesn't always mean you'll be good at being yourself, in a suit that feels more like a costume than anything ever worn onstage.