Stupid Shit

So recently my husband posted a post on a popular social networking site about our youngest child pulling some really stupid shit involving electricity.

I started listing in my head a list of sorts, a list of stupid shit they've done, and that I've done. Here it go.

Stupid Shit What My Kids Have Done

Jumping off of a 8 food structure at camp over and over again until the cartilage in his knee was reduced to a jelly like consistency.
--Eldest Child (where were the camp counselors????)

Roasting marshmallows over the gas stove.
--Eldest Child

Creating a game called "shed jump" wherein the child in question climbs up to the top of a shed and then runs and jumps over a chain link fence onto the grass beyond.
--Eldest Child

Attempting to jump from a high branch over the netting on the trampoline to land on the trampoline.
--Eldest Child (he was stopped)

Drinking hummingbird water out of a hummingbird feeder THAT HAD WATER IN IT OVER A YEAR OLD.
--Eldest Child (can you say potential botulism)

And finally, stuffing electrical cords into the toaster and turning it on just to see what would happen.

Eldest Child 5. Youngest Child 1.

Stupid Shit What I Have Done

Setting my dress on fire while playing with candles.
--3 years of age

Taking a hammer to the television set while Electric Company was on because I wanted to "let the kids out" to play with them.
--4 years of age (I was stopped)

Grabbing and eating the pretty red peppers on the ornamental HOT pepper plant. Multiple times, regardless of the outcome.
--4 years of age

Climbing to the top of a cabinet to get the pretty red bottle of tabasco sauce. Multiple times, regardless of the outcome.
--4 year of age

Breaking a perfectly functional card table by bending all four of the legs down because I didn't know how to fold them properly and couldn't be bothered with asking.
--5 years of age

Getting knocked out of a tree by a car (A CAR) because we were climbing a tree in a yard after school. The owner of the tree was apparently not a happy man.
--5 years of age

Getting chemical burns on my hands from touching some kind of thing at my dad's work when there was a sign that said DON"T TOUCH.
--6 years of age

Trying to melt a glass of ice cubes with a hair dryer.
--7 years of age

Walking down the long hill from my house to the lake during an ice-storm and not being able to get back because uphill and ice and keds don't mix well.
--8 years of age

Breaking the bridge at the new house in Georgia. Breaking it. Like knocking an entire railing into the creek, and I swear all I did was lean on it.
--10 years of age.

Eldest child, you are clearly my child in most every way.

I would like to take this time to invite my husband to list his childhood shenanigans, though from what I've gleaned from his mother most of his wild moments happened in high school and involved dirt bikes, cars and girls.

Given that the youngest takes after my husband in most every way, I'm worried.


  1. Roasting marshmallows over the gas stove.

    I have totally done that. As an adult.

  2. Twas an adult what gave him the idea (not me).


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