Re-entry to reality can be a curious thing. Vacations (especially ones like a group of close friends traveling together to an iconic, mythic city to perform) are often a sort of time-out-of-time experience, where you get the opportunity to exist in a new way, or an old way, or a more connected authentic way. Sometimes truths bubble up out gently of subconscious wells nourishing the ground, or rage released like army grunts on a furlough which run and wreak havoc on the city of one's normal perspective.

Now this doesn't always happen of course. There are plenty of vacations or retreats that are just...mellow. This trip was not mellow. From meeting with my mother to tell her I was going to NYC, an admission to which she reacted intensely and with great emotion, to living in a small apartment with friends for 4 days, to having a truly stereotypical near weeping response to the art at MoMA, to meeting blogger friends I'd only known online, to the omnipresent smells and sounds and sights of the city, to staying up too late, to performing on a stage, well....there were epiphanies.

I experienced nearly every emotion possible this trip, always a perk in certain ways. I made people laugh. The shows were incredibly fun and I'm proud of myself.
I learned things about myself that were painful. I learned things about myself that were really awesome.

Dharma. Destiny. Roles. These are things you can't often escape, nor should you try for fighting against the current of life is not going to do anything but tire you out.

I'm being vague. That's on purpose, because I'm actually not sure how much I want to share right now. I only truly know a few things.

1) That my children love me and that my love for them is immense.

2) That I need a life that is challenging and rich and that complacency and lotus-eating is not good for me.

3) That I am richly blessed by a being in a wolfpack of artistic brethren who inspire, challenge, and delight me. I can only hope I do the same and offer them a safe haven to let them be exactly who they are.

4) In The City Of Shy Hunters by Tom Spanbauer is one of the best books I've ever read and exactly the right book for the trip to and from NYC and for me personally.

5) And finally, that my husband is one of the most insightful individuals I know, and his words to me last night, over a glass of wine, stunned me into tears and into gently loving myself in a way I rarely allow. His wisdom capped off an experience that start to finish was incredibly important to me and his ability to get me to reframe things? What a gift.

We will return to some regularly scheduled blogging in the next few days, but for now I am going to re-enter with patience, grace and a clear perspective on what's next.


  1. I can't speak as your real-life friend, of course, but I know you do No. 3 for your online friends!


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