And There Will Be A Hiatus On This Day, The 4th

I'm not going to write much this week, if at all. In a few days, I'm going to NYC with Dusk. This is, in many ways, the dream of a life time, and in others....just a gig, or so I am trying to think of it so that I don't freak myself out too much.

We had an amazing show for Dusk on Friday night. Honestly, I don't know if I've been in a show recently that was so even keeled, with talent and fun spread through the entire show, with everyone having awesome moments, hilarious beats and callbacks, as well as just being delighted to be there. It was a great lesson, that show.

I'm excited about the trip as well as nervous. I think the cast will do well both on stage and traveling together. The group is made up of really lovely people, silly and goofy in the right ways, but also (I think) mature enough to manage the craziness that a whirlwind trip to The Big City entails.

Trips like this, where a cast is traveling for shows, are both about the individual (because we are only and just ourselves) but also about the group. The group is going, the group makes up the cast and experience, and the group is affected by all the individuals. The show, the story is dependant on the actors to come together it its service. The story exists out there for us, but we have to come to the stage ready to take initiative individually but also be willing to sublimate our personal desires for the good of the tale we are telling.

And of course some people are more group minded to begin with and some are more on-their-own. So there is a balance there. For people like me, who can get a little too enmeshed in the dynamics of a passel of people (especially people I pretty much adore), the goal is to allow myself to be involved but also to step back and take time off and remember that I am differentiated and can experience my experience and not the groupmind all the time.

Tricky, yes? But onstage or off, it is perfectly beautiful when it all comes together, like it did on Friday. Sort of like the best hug you've ever had, or a meal that is satisfying from start to finish and doesn't cause any indigestion. I could compare it to great sex, but that would be obvious and sound like an orgy. Which I'm not decrying mind you, but that's not truly what I'm aiming for.

Later today I'll gather with the theater company I'm in. More groups, more discussion of the season of shows, more give and take. We'll be together and celebrate each other and the day, maybe even fireworks later.

After NYC, I return to T Henry Baudecliffe. We opened last night and the show was really amazing. It's an entirely different kind of story, both in tone and in physicality. It's highly stylelized and incredibly fun to do. Our opening night was a blast, things came together easily and well. I'm looking forward to seeing how the cast and story evolve over time.

I'm increasingly aware that I enjoy working with a wide variety of people and with all kinds of different stories. I learn best that way. I'm blessed and lucky to be at a point in my life where I can see the experience for (nearly) exactly what it is. Groups, individuals...single dynamics merging into multiple, stories that rely on a gorgeous and delicate balance of "me" and "us" and of course "itself", for there are times I believe the story is what is threading its way through all of us. We just have to let it do its job.

Sharing and vulnerability, independence as well as relying on others, that's what it's all about.